To A Personal Ad
When responding to a personal ad, you should have two
goals if you want to get good results:
- Gain connection
- Tell them about yourself
Gaining connection is fairly easy. Start by
to the person in a familiar style. If their personal ad was short and to the point,
keep your response short and to the point. If they were very descriptive,
you should be too.
Also, gain similarity by mentioning hobbies, values, and
beliefs that you both have in common. Offer compliments. If they
said something in their personal that you found impressive or enjoyable, let them know.
Next, keep things positive. Your first contact
with someone is not the time to point out their spelling errors or to critique
anything they said in their personal ad.
I realize this is common sense, but some people — I guess they want to look smart or superior or something
— will do these
things. Behave this way on the first contact and you’ll lose the person for
Also, avoid bitching or painting a terrible life — it’s totally
unappealing. For instance, avoid sending a first email like this:
I have terrible self-esteem and see four
therapists. I cry constantly, for no good reason. Also, my last
six wives mysteriously disappeared. Well, I really look forward to
hearing back from you. Have a nice day.
This is your first contact. Even if you
are depressed, your first response is not the time to go into it. Save it for when you
know one another a little better – – after the other party knows what a good person you
are. Then, they’ll be far less likely to run for the hills.
As far as telling them about yourself, the
first thing you want to look at is their personal ad. Start with the
length. Again, if their ad is to the point, you should be too. If
they gave you a lot of information about who they are, chances are they want a
lot of information about who you are. In either case, let them know and
give them what they gave you.
As we discussed in the section on creating your personal ad, tell them what they stand to gain.
But don’t over do
it. If you have to force home a point, it usually has the opposite
effect. For instance, when someone continually says how great they are,
it’s usually because they feel really low about themselves. Tell them who
you are and what you offer, but keep it straight.
Whether creating an ad or responding to one, a
good sense of humor almost always sells. Plug in humor whenever
possible. Quality values like honesty,
self-confidence, and kindness are always good points to drive home.
all, always be yourself. Too many people use the Internet as a place to
open up and be someone they’re really not. Then, you meet them only to be
disappointed. Be who you are, from day one, and this will never be an
Never, never, never sell yourself short. We are all amazing. Believe
in yourself. Have confidence. And always bear in mind that if
someone isn’t interested, it’s not a big deal. After all, there are
hundreds of thousands of other personal ads you can respond to.