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  Responding To A Personal Ad

When responding to a personal ad, you should have two goals if you want to get good results:

  1. Gain connection
  2. Tell them about yourself

Gaining connection is fairly easy.  Start by writing to the person in a familiar style.  If their personal ad was short and to the point, keep your response short and to the point.  If they were very descriptive, you should be too.

Also, gain similarity by mentioning hobbies, values, and beliefs that you both have in common.  Offer compliments.  If they said something in their personal that you found impressive or enjoyable, let them know.

Next, keep things positive.  Your first contact with someone is not the time to point out their spelling errors or to critique anything they said in their personal ad.

Related Links

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I realize this is common sense, but some people — I guess they want to look smart or superior or something — will do these things.  Behave this way on the first contact and you’ll lose the person for good.

Also, avoid bitching or painting a terrible life — it’s totally unappealing.  For instance, avoid sending a first email like this:

I have terrible self-esteem and see four therapists.  I cry constantly, for no good reason.  Also, my last six wives mysteriously disappeared.  Well, I really look forward to hearing back from you.  Have a nice day.

This is your first contact.  Even if you are depressed, your first response is not the time to go into it.  Save it for when you know one another a little better – – after the other party knows what a good person you are.  Then, they’ll be far less likely to run for the hills.

As far as telling them about yourself, the first thing you want to look at is their personal ad.  Start with the length.  Again, if their ad is to the point, you should be too.  If they gave you a lot of information about who they are, chances are they want a lot of information about who you are.  In either case, let them know and give them what they gave you.

As we discussed in the section on creating your personal ad, tell them what they stand to gain.  But don’t over do it.  If you have to force home a point, it usually has the opposite effect.  For instance, when someone continually says how great they are, it’s usually because they feel really low about themselves.  Tell them who you are and what you offer, but keep it straight.

Whether creating an ad or responding to one, a good sense of humor almost always sells.  Plug in humor whenever possible.  Quality values like honesty, self-confidence, and kindness are always good points to drive home.

Above all, always be yourself.  Too many people use the Internet as a place to open up and be someone they’re really not.  Then, you meet them only to be disappointed.  Be who you are, from day one, and this will never be an issue.

Never, never, never sell yourself short.  We are all amazing.  Believe in yourself.  Have confidence.  And always bear in mind that if someone isn’t interested, it’s not a big deal.  After all, there are hundreds of thousands of other personal ads you can respond to.



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