FEB
2003
Sex and
Dating Tips Newsletter
–
Proven Sexual Techniques and Dating Advice
–
by John Francis
– View Newsletter Archives –
This Month’s Dating
Tip
 Asking
Someone for a Date
I have sold a lot of books to men on how to meet and attract
women. The biggest problems my readers complain of are fear of rejection,
shyness, having poor conversation skills, and low self-esteem. All of
these mindsets are extremely common. And every one of them makes it nearly
impossible to walk up to someone you don’t know. So the first key to
asking someone for a date is …
Being Able To Ask
Most people will not approach someone
that they might want to approach. Think about it. How many times have you
seen someone that you found attractive, where you did nothing? How many
times, in the same situation, did you actually walk up to the person and do something about it.
When most people see someone they are attracted to, they usually do nothing
about it. I’m not talking about approaching someone at a bar after you
drink eight beers and have fake alcohol courage. A chimpanzee can do
that. I’m talking about approaching someone sober. Here’s an example
…
A few years back I was at a restaurant with my parents, my sister, and my
grandfather. Sitting two tables away from us were four cute girls. There
was one girl in particular that really caught my eye.
In that situation, where someone really caught your attention, what
would you do? Would you approach a table with four people sitting
there? Could you do it with your family watching it? Well, I
did. I didn’t get her number. That’s how it goes sometimes.
The important thing is, I didn’t have to walk away wondering, “What if she
said yes?”
If you could not approach a person in a situation like the one above, or even
when no one else is around, let’s look at how to turn that around. The
first step is to …
Never Get Discouraged
If I see someone I like and I walk away and doing nothing,
it makes
me feel like crap — like a coward who’s too afraid to go after what he
wants. Luckily, it’s something I rarely ever experience. If I see a
person I am attracted to, I approach them. And if they’re not interested,
I don’t let it get to me. How do I do it?
For starters, always keep in mind that there are BILLIONS of people on this planet. If
you approach one person and they aren’t interested, so what? You still
have thousands of chances to find someone who is.
Sure, I didn’t get that girl’s number in the restaurant. But I didn’t let
it bother me. In fact, I felt good about it. Which is
exactly how you should feel, whether you get a date or not. After all, it
takes guts to approach someone you don’t know.
Whether a person shows
interest or not, shouldn’t you feel great about the fact that you had the
courage to walk up to them? Shouldn’t you be proud that you had the guts
to try? Also understand that …
Setbacks Are The
Foundation For Massive Success
This is an almost inescapable fact
of life. If you look at any great success, they usually met with great
setbacks. Sam Walton had twenty years of setbacks before Wal-Mart took off
and he became the wealthiest person in America.
Harlan (Colonel) Sanders was turned away 1,097 times before someone gave his
chicken recipe a chance. Years later, Kentucky Friend Chicken was one of
the largest fast food chains in the world, and the Colonel was worth hundreds of
millions of dollars.
I’m not suggesting you ask out 1,097 people till you find your dream partner. I am
saying that you should embrace the idea of being turned down. Being turned
down is good. I have been turned down by women countless
times. On the other hand, I have an envelope stuffed with 141 phone
numbers and I am now married to an awesome woman. All because I didn’t let
turndowns phase me and because I always kept in mind that there was someone else
to ask.
Embrace every setback. The people that are willing to do that live a life
that most only dream about. Always remember, each setback moves you a step
closer to success. And like I said, it takes courage to approach
someone. So feel great about doing it no matter what the outcome.
The True Key To Success
Knowing that setbacks lead to
success is key, but it’s only part of the equation. Belief plays an even
bigger role. The big question is, what do you believe you’re worth?
Because the single biggest thing that will affect how well you do in dating is your belief system.
I wish I could tell you there was a magic pickup line or some amazing secret
technique. But the truth is, the one thing that determines how well you do
in dating is your belief system.
Let’s go back to that situation where I approached those four women at the
restaurant. What was it that made me able to do that? Was I born
gifted, with a special ability to approach small groups of strangers? Not
at all, I had a fairly insecure childhood.
Did I use a magic pickup line? No, I simply said exactly what I was
thinking. I walked up, looked the one girl in the eye and said,
“Excuse me. You are simply stunning. If I walk out of here
without asking you for a date I am going to feel miserable all day. When
are you free?”
There was no pickup line or process involved, that was exactly what I was
thinking. She informed me that she had a boyfriend and wasn’t too free. But
because of my belief system I didn’t stop
there. I proceeded to ask her how serious the relationship was and if it
was exclusive.
Was I being pushy? Perhaps. But
even that is because of my belief system.
I believe that if this woman were to go out with me that she would have a
great time, and that she’d be crazy to not want to have a great time. I believe
that her boyfriend can’t possibly be as cool as me, so why we should want to
settle for less?
I’m not kidding, this
is what goes through my mind. And trust me, it works. Those few
extra questions have gotten me a lot of dates with women who initially said,
“No thanks.” Don’t doubt it, belief equals success.
My belief in myself also allowed me to let her ” turn down” be
nothing. It didn’t affect me in the least. Why should it bother
me? I had the guts to ask. Well done! Plus, I am a great
guy. I know there are tons of people who will are single that would love to
go out with me. And my immense dating success has proven this over and
over and over.
Confidence is what leads you to success. Confidence makes rejection almost
non-existent. Confidence allows “failures” to roll off your
back. Confidence makes you believe that you can’t possibly fail long-term
and, as a result, you can’t wait to try again.
My question to you is, what do you believe about yourself? Do you believe
that you are a great catch? Do you believe that you deserve to
have amazing relationships, with people that treat you incredibly well? Do
you believe that you deserve to be totally happy and totally fulfilled?
Too many people, probably most people, do not believe that they are worth these
things. This belief system is why they are not living a great dating life,
and also why they have an incredibly hard time approaching a person they don’t
know.
If you have a hart time approaching someone, you likely have an issue with your
confidence and/or self-esteem. You may be keenly aware of this. Or, you may be like the many people who know something’s wrong but
don’t know what — or worse, unwilling to even admit there’s a problem.
Whatever the case, let’s look at how to create a great belief system.
We’ll start by …
Dispelling Myths
I bet when you saw the title of this
article, Asking Someone for a Date, you never thought there would be so much
stuff about psychology. But the fact is, every dating success or failure
stems from your belief system. This is proven in life over and over and
over.
Think about it. How often do we see a person who is not gorgeous that
somehow managed to hook someone who is? Sure, we see this all the
time. We also see plenty of people that are highly attractive, who are one
or more of the following: single, lonely, depressed, highly insecure, going from
one lousy relationship to the next, and so on.
Great dating isn’t about looks. It’s not about attracting gorgeous women
with money. If you think these things are at all true, look no further
than Hollywood
celebrities. Here, you have “beautiful” people that do have tons of money. Yet most of them seem
unhappy, many are in empty relationships, and they sure as hell seem to be
checking in and out of rehab an awful lot.
If you want to be able to ask someone for a date, you don’t need to be gorgeous
or rich. In the end, these things hardly matter. You must, however,
believe — deep in your heart — that you are a great catch. If you
can do that, you will approach people with ease, without fear or
concern. Plus, you will never allow yourself to stay in a lousy
relationship. You will settle for one thing, and one thing alone: the
best. You will demand it because it’s what you know you deserve.
Creating Confidence And Inner
Belief
In my book, Dating Made Easy For
Men, I don’t start with pickup or conversation techniques. If a guy
lacks belief and is afraid to approach a woman, what good is telling them him
to say or do? No, I start off with an intense section designed to help a
man build immense confidence and inner belief. How has it paid off?
See for yourself …
I have read many other
dating books/manuals and this is the best! This is the first
one that made me believe I can do it! Thanks again John and
good luck!”
Aarin E. – Utah
“Prior to getting your program I thought that I was too
unattractive to attract women. I had so little success with
women that I honestly didn’t think your information would
help. Was I ever wrong. You taught me how to believe in
myself. Then you taught me exactly what to do, in every
possible area. I have since dated some wonderful and very
attractive women and I can now meet women with ease. John,
from a man who was EXTREMELY lonely and unhappy, I send you my
deepest thanks.”
David P. – Newcastle, England
You helped me find my happiness, my
self-worth and a beautiful woman who adores me. Thank you,
thank you, thank you!”
Steve R. – Arizona
“Your book is far better than anything out there. It’s
the only one that made me believe I could do it. It’s the only
one that actually works. Thanks for doing such a great
job. Thanks for helping me overcome my shyness and my lack of
belief. Thanks for showing me everything there is to know
about meeting women. Take care,”
Thomas A. – Maryland
I get letters like these all the
time. These men didn’t succeed by using magic pickup methods. They
didn’t succeed because they are millionaires. And they didn’t succeed
because they look like Brad Pitt. Few of us are that lucky.
These guys succeeded because someone told them, “Hey, it is your absolute
right to love who you are and to have a great life.” And then, they
did the work to change their belief systems and to expect a higher quality of
life. I tip my hat to them, because for many of these guys this was not
easy. It is, however, worth it.
Now, this is a newsletter and I don’t have time to explain my book’s first
section. After all, that section is like 40 pages long. I will,
however, give you a simple confidence and belief building technique that I know
works.
Belief Building Exercise
Here’s what you do. Every
morning, simply ask yourself the following question:
What do I love about myself and what great qualities do I
possess?
What makes this question work? It’s very simple. You are enforcing a
belief system in your mind about all the great things you bring to this
world. You are not depending on someone else to do it for you, you are
creating this belief from within. And when you do that, you don’t need it
from outside sources and, more importantly, no one else can take it away from
you.
That’s great, John, but what if I don’t like anything about myself? What
then? Good question, and one I can personally relate to. I’ll
explain …
When I first asked myself that question, I had no answer. The room was silent. I was very
insecure and I couldn’t think of a damn thing. Eventually it hit me,
“A lot of people have told me that I have nice eyes, that’s pretty
cool.” So I said, out loud, “I love that I have really nice
eyes.”
From that day on I made a commitment to myself. I would ask the question
every morning, I would add at least one new item each day, and I would answer
the question out loud.
After thirty days, I was like a different person. I’d go, “What do I
love about myself and what great qualities do I possess?” and there was a
giant response with thirty different things included. Well, I have gorgeous eyes, I am a great listener, I treat
people exceptionally well, I am very honest, and on and on it went.
Can you imagine the impact that had on my belief system? Can you imagine
how you feel if you do that each day? It’s huge! After a few months,
I felt like a could do anything! The next step is applying powerful belief
to …
Asking Someone For A Date
As far as asking someone for a date,
if your confidence is not all there, first consider doing the above exercise and
building the daylights out of your belief system. Then, click
here to read my article titled How and Where to Find Love. It covers tips on where to meet people, how to open a
conversation, and so on. In addition to that article, here are a few more
tips for meeting new people.
 Be Upbeat And Humorous
If you’re meeting someone for the first time, please remember that you’re making
a first impression. Don’t tell them about all the negative things that
have happened in your life in the past ten years. Believe me, they’ll want
to run.
Don’t knock things or people, it make you look like an ass. If
someone else is being negative, yes, you can gain rapport with them by acting
in a similar manner. The question is, is this the type of person you
really want to connect with — a person who is willing to look like a psycho the
first time they talk to someone?
The type of person you choose to interact with is up to you, of course. I
still recommend you put your best foot forward. Try to be upbeat.
Try to smile. Try to be humorous, and try to do so in a way where you’re
not being funny at anyone else’s expense.
If you do need to be funny at someone else’s expense, make that someone you.
Poking fun at yourself makes you look sure of yourself and secure. This
works the same way that you appear insecure when you brag a lot or try too hard
to impress a person.
In essence, a confident, secure person doesn’t need to tell the world that they
are confident and secure: this is simply the way they are. If you have to
push these things on someone or point them out, it has the opposite
effect. So if you are going to poke fun at anyone, make it you.
Believe me, it makes you look a thousand times more sure of yourself than when
you poke fun at others.
Carry
Yourself Confidently
Again, people can sense confidence. And confidence is sexy.
So approach someone like you are worth their time … like you have something to
offer … like you’re not a psycho like their ex. Sit and stand tall and
proud. Be relaxed. And for God’s sake, make eye contact.
You’re not going to impress anyone by looking at the ground or coming off as
totally terrified. Look at it from the other person’s perspective.
Someone approaches them, and then acts terrified and won’t make or maintain eye
contact. What kind of message does that send? I’ll tell you.
It will make them nervous. It will make them think that they are
doing something wrong that’s causing you to be uneasy, and that your uneasiness
is making you not want to look at them and making you uncomfortable.
Don’t Be
Cruel
Real simple: if someone doesn’t give you a response you like, hold your head
high and walk away with dignity. Don’t feel hurt and make a mean
comment. Don’t try to make yourself feel better by putting them down or
saying anything stupid. Always take the high road. Respect their
right to not be interested and go find someone who is.
All in all, be kind, confident, funny, and nice. If someone’s not
interested, be proud of the fact that you had the guts to approach them and keep
on looking.
Proven
Ways for Men to Attract Women
For those of you who have read my articles and newsletters, and are interested in
looking into my books, here’s how:
Sex Secrets For Men —
Discover how to make women orgasm with ease, how to maintain an erection for
hours, the keys to getting women to pose nude, how to have sex with two women at
once, how to read a woman’s sexual signals, and a whole lot more.
Dating Made Easy For Men
— You’ll
learn how to overcome shyness, the best places to meet women, a proven pickup
line, how to easily start and maintain conversations, how to read women’s
signals, and much more.
How To Attract Women Online
— The keys to finding romance at online dating sites and chat rooms, including
in-depth instructions for writing winning personal ads, how to effectively
respond to ads, what to do in chat rooms, and a great deal more.
The Master Dating Course
— This is simply all three of my books, wrapped into one, and priced at a huge
discount. If you want to master every angle of attracting women and being
great in bed, this is the book for you.
“I have received other manuals and none of them were as well
written as yours! I am impressed. It is easy to read and
understand. Your “secret pick-up-line” works!
The literature also goes into detail about confidence and
goals. I have read many other dating books/manuals and this is
the best! This is the first one that made me believe I can do
it! Thanks again John and good luck!”
Aarin E. – Utah |
|
– Read more testimonials from
readers of my books –
Online Dating
Site of the Mont h
Date.com
Date.com is one of the best overall dating
services we’ve reviewed. It is one of the easiest dating services to use,
and it offers the full spectrum of dating service features. This is why it
gets a near perfect
overall rating from us at 29 out of 30.
To really test drive
Date.com,
you’re
best bet is to set up your free account.
So to make things
easier for you, every link on this page goes right to their free account
registration page. It only takes two to three minutes. And once your
free account is set up, you can log in and check out the the excellent features that
they offer, including the following:
-
Millions of members. Date.com
offers
one of the most expansive memberships with over 5 million personal
ads from around the world. When we compared large international dating sites, we tested search results in ten random countries,
such as Brazil, Taiwan, and Egypt. 93 percent of the time,
Date.com
had the
greatest number of people in these search tests. And, of course, the more members you can
contact, the far greater your chances for success.
-
Results!
When we test dating sites against one another, we actually create ads and place them on
the sites. After all, not only do we look to see how well the sites
function, we want to see how well they get you dates. Of the international sites
we tested,
Date.com
got us the best results.
-
It’s very easy
to use. Of all the big name sites we have reviewed that offer
top-notch features,
Date.com
is one of the easiest to use. If you are looking
for an excellent site that is easy to navigate, you will really enjoy
Date.com.
-
Great
pictures. Hands-down,
Date.com
has the best quality pictures of any international dating service
we visited.
-
See
who’s interested. Quickly
see a list of the members who are interested
in you with easy access to their profile. If you see someone you like, you
can contact them with the confidence that they are already interested.
-
Your interest list. See a quick list of the members who you shown
interest in with easy access to their profiles.
-
Alerts. You’ll be notified when you have
new mail waiting for you or when someone is interested in you. This makes
it nice since you don’t have to constantly check it.
-
Multiple
pictures. Post or view up to five different pictures. Multiple
pictures is always a good way to see what someone really looks like.
-
Away
message. If you can’t reply, simply activate your Away Message.
-
Chat.
Go 1-on-1 with other members in
the chat rooms. This is a great way to vastly improve your chances of
success. It’s nice, of course, to exchange email. But it’s far
better when you can immediately talk to people that you’re interested in.
-
Advanced
matching. Find your ideal
date with their computerized Auto-Match feature.
-
In-depth
Search. You have the option of basic search, advanced search, search by
new members, by location, or by who’s online. This is a great way to
refine your search and to find what you’re really looking for.
This is simply a great site with all the bells
and whistles you can get. And with over 5 million members and such great
features, you should have no problem meeting someone.
Date.com Dating Service Features
| |
Date.com
|
|
Free
to Join
|
yes |
|
Post
Personal Ad Free
|
yes |
| Browse
Personals Free |
yes |
| Instant Messaging |
yes |
|
Chat
Rooms
|
yes |
|
Post Multiple
Pictures
|
yes |
|
Date.com Dating Service Ratings
| |
Date.com
|
|
Site Speed
|
4 |
|
Ease of Use
|
5 |
|
Quality of Pictures
|
5 |
|
Quality of Personal Ads
|
5 |
|
Member Size
|
5 |
|
Search Features
|
5 |
|
Total Score
|
29
of 30 |
|
Feedback
and Suggestions
This newsletter is here to serve and benefit you, the reader. So do not
hesitate to tell us how we can improve things. In addition, you are
encouraged to suggest article ideas and to let us know what you think of the
newsletter. Simply email us at the below address:
[email protected]
That’s it for this issue. Thanks for reading Sex and Dating Tips!
|
