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home  ::  sex and dating tips newsletter  ::  february 2003

FEB 2003

Sex and Dating Tips Newsletter
Proven Sexual Techniques and Dating Advice 

by John Francis

In This Issue …

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This Month’s Dating Tip
Tip of the Month 
Asking Someone for a Date

I have sold a lot of books to men on how to meet and attract women.  The biggest problems my readers complain of are fear of rejection, shyness, having poor conversation skills, and low self-esteem.  All of these mindsets are extremely common.  And every one of them makes it nearly impossible to walk up to someone you don’t know.  So the first key to asking someone for a date is …

Being Able To Ask

Most people will not approach someone that they might want to approach.  Think about it.  How many times have you seen someone that you found attractive, where you did nothing?  How many times, in the same situation, did you actually walk up to the person and do something about it.

When most people see someone they are attracted to, they usually do nothing about it.  I’m not talking about approaching someone at a bar after you drink eight beers and have fake alcohol courage.  A chimpanzee can do that.  I’m talking about approaching someone sober.  Here’s an example …

A few years back I was at a restaurant with my parents, my sister, and my grandfather.  Sitting two tables away from us were four cute girls.  There was one girl in particular that really caught my eye.

In that situation, where someone really caught your attention, what would you do?  Would you approach a table with four people sitting there?  Could you do it with your family watching it?  Well, I did.  I didn’t get her number.  That’s how it goes sometimes.  The important thing is, I didn’t have to walk away wondering, “What if she said yes?”

If you could not approach a person in a situation like the one above, or even when no one else is around, let’s look at how to turn that around.  The first step is to …

Never Get Discouraged

If I see someone I like and I walk away and doing nothing, it makes me feel like crap — like a coward who’s too afraid to go after what he wants.  Luckily, it’s something I rarely ever experience.  If I see a person I am attracted to, I approach them.  And if they’re not interested, I don’t let it get to me.  How do I do it?

For starters, always keep in mind that there are BILLIONS of people on this planet.  If you approach one person and they aren’t interested, so what?  You still have thousands of chances to find someone who is.

Sure, I didn’t get that girl’s number in the restaurant.  But I didn’t let it bother me.  In fact, I felt good about it.  Which is exactly how you should feel, whether you get a date or not.  After all, it takes guts to approach someone you don’t know.

Whether a person shows interest or not, shouldn’t you feel great about the fact that you had the courage to walk up to them?  Shouldn’t you be proud that you had the guts to try?  Also understand that …

Setbacks Are The 
Foundation For Massive Success

This is an almost inescapable fact of life.  If you look at any great success, they usually met with great setbacks.  Sam Walton had twenty years of setbacks before Wal-Mart took off and he became the wealthiest person in America.

Harlan (Colonel) Sanders was turned away 1,097 times before someone gave his chicken recipe a chance.  Years later, Kentucky Friend Chicken was one of the largest fast food chains in the world, and the Colonel was worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

I’m not suggesting you ask out 1,097 people till you find your dream partner.  I am saying that you should embrace the idea of being turned down.  Being turned down is good.  I have been turned down by women countless times.  On the other hand, I have an envelope stuffed with 141 phone numbers and I am now married to an awesome woman.  All because I didn’t let turndowns phase me and because I always kept in mind that there was someone else to ask.

Embrace every setback.  The people that are willing to do that live a life that most only dream about.  Always remember, each setback moves you a step closer to success.  And like I said, it takes courage to approach someone.  So feel great about doing it no matter what the outcome.

The True Key To Success

Knowing that setbacks lead to success is key, but it’s only part of the equation.  Belief plays an even bigger role.  The big question is, what do you believe you’re worth?  Because the single biggest thing that will affect how well you do in dating is your belief system.

I wish I could tell you there was a magic pickup line or some amazing secret technique.  But the truth is, the one thing that determines how well you do in dating is your belief system.

Let’s go back to that situation where I approached those four women at the restaurant.  What was it that made me able to do that?  Was I born gifted, with a special ability to approach small groups of strangers?  Not at all, I had a fairly insecure childhood.

Did I use a magic pickup line?  No, I simply said exactly what I was thinking.  I walked up, looked the one girl in the eye and said, “Excuse me.  You are simply stunning.  If I walk out of here without asking you for a date I am going to feel miserable all day.  When are you free?”

There was no pickup line or process involved, that was exactly what I was thinking.  She informed me that she had a boyfriend and wasn’t too free.  But because of my belief system I didn’t stop there.  I proceeded to ask her how serious the relationship was and if it was exclusive.

Was I being pushy?  Perhaps.  But even that is because of my belief system.  I believe that if this woman were to go out with me that she would have a great time, and that she’d be crazy to not want to have a great time.  I believe that her boyfriend can’t possibly be as cool as me, so why we should want to settle for less?

I’m not kidding, this is what goes through my mind.  And trust me, it works.  Those few extra questions have gotten me a lot of dates with women who initially said, “No thanks.”  Don’t doubt it, belief equals success.

My belief in myself also allowed me to let her ” turn down” be nothing.  It didn’t affect me in the least.  Why should it bother me?  I had the guts to ask.  Well done!  Plus, I am a great guy.  I know there are tons of people who will are single that would love to go out with me.  And my immense dating success has proven this over and over and over.

Confidence is what leads you to success.  Confidence makes rejection almost non-existent.  Confidence allows “failures” to roll off your back.  Confidence makes you believe that you can’t possibly fail long-term and, as a result, you can’t wait to try again.

My question to you is, what do you believe about yourself?  Do you believe that you are a great catch?  Do you believe that you deserve to have amazing relationships, with people that treat you incredibly well?  Do you believe that you deserve to be totally happy and totally fulfilled?

Too many people, probably most people, do not believe that they are worth these things.  This belief system is why they are not living a great dating life, and also why they have an incredibly hard time approaching a person they don’t know.

If you have a hart time approaching someone, you likely have an issue with your confidence and/or self-esteem.  You may be keenly aware of this.  Or, you may be like the many people who know something’s wrong but don’t know what — or worse, unwilling to even admit there’s a problem.  Whatever the case, let’s look at how to create a great belief system.  We’ll start by …

Dispelling Myths

I bet when you saw the title of this article, Asking Someone for a Date, you never thought there would be so much stuff about psychology.  But the fact is, every dating success or failure stems from your belief system.  This is proven in life over and over and over.

Think about it.  How often do we see a person who is not gorgeous that somehow managed to hook someone who is?  Sure, we see this all the time.  We also see plenty of people that are highly attractive, who are one or more of the following: single, lonely, depressed, highly insecure, going from one lousy relationship to the next, and so on.

Great dating isn’t about looks.  It’s not about attracting gorgeous women with money.  If you think these things are at all true, look no further than Hollywood celebrities.  Here, you have “beautiful” people that do have tons of money.  Yet most of them seem unhappy, many are in empty relationships, and they sure as hell seem to be checking in and out of rehab an awful lot.

If you want to be able to ask someone for a date, you don’t need to be gorgeous or rich.  In the end, these things hardly matter.  You must, however, believe — deep in your heart — that you are a great catch.  If you can do that, you will approach people with ease, without fear or concern.  Plus, you will never allow yourself to stay in a lousy relationship.  You will settle for one thing, and one thing alone: the best.  You will demand it because it’s what you know you deserve.

Creating Confidence And Inner Belief

In my book, Dating Made Easy For Men, I don’t start with pickup or conversation techniques.  If a guy lacks belief and is afraid to approach a woman, what good is telling them him to say or do?  No, I start off with an intense section designed to help a man build immense confidence and inner belief.  How has it paid off?  See for yourself …

I have read many other dating books/manuals and this is the best!  This is the first one that made me believe I can do it!  Thanks again John and good luck!”
Aarin E. – Utah

“Prior to getting your program I thought that I was too unattractive to attract women.  I had so little success with women that I honestly didn’t think your information would help.  Was I ever wrong.  You taught me how to believe in myself.  Then you taught me exactly what to do, in every possible area.  I have since dated some wonderful and very attractive women and I can now meet women with ease.  John, from a man who was EXTREMELY lonely and unhappy, I send you my deepest thanks.”
David P. – Newcastle, England

You helped me find my happiness, my self-worth and a beautiful woman who adores me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Steve R. – Arizona

“Your book is far better than anything out there.  It’s the only one that made me believe I could do it.  It’s the only one that actually works.  Thanks for doing such a great job.  Thanks for helping me overcome my shyness and my lack of belief.  Thanks for showing me everything there is to know about meeting women.  Take care,”
Thomas A. – Maryland

I get letters like these all the time.  These men didn’t succeed by using magic pickup methods.  They didn’t succeed because they are millionaires.  And they didn’t succeed because they look like Brad Pitt.  Few of us are that lucky.

These guys succeeded because someone told them, “Hey, it is your absolute right to love who you are and to have a great life.”  And then, they did the work to change their belief systems and to expect a higher quality of life.  I tip my hat to them, because for many of these guys this was not easy.  It is, however, worth it.

Now, this is a newsletter and I don’t have time to explain my book’s first section.  After all, that section is like 40 pages long.  I will, however, give you a simple confidence and belief building technique that I know works.

Belief Building Exercise

Here’s what you do.  Every morning, simply ask yourself the following question:

What do I love about myself and what great qualities do I possess?

What makes this question work?  It’s very simple.  You are enforcing a belief system in your mind about all the great things you bring to this world.  You are not depending on someone else to do it for you, you are creating this belief from within.  And when you do that, you don’t need it from outside sources and, more importantly, no one else can take it away from you.

That’s great, John, but what if I don’t like anything about myself?  What then?  Good question, and one I can personally relate to.  I’ll explain …

When I first asked myself that question, I had no answer.  The room was silent.  I was very insecure and I couldn’t think of a damn thing.  Eventually it hit me, “A lot of people have told me that I have nice eyes, that’s pretty cool.”  So I said, out loud, “I love that I have really nice eyes.”

From that day on I made a commitment to myself.  I would ask the question every morning, I would add at least one new item each day, and I would answer the question out loud.

After thirty days, I was like a different person.  I’d go, “What do I love about myself and what great qualities do I possess?” and there was a giant response with thirty different things included.  Well, I have gorgeous eyes, I am a great listener, I treat people exceptionally well, I am very honest, and on and on it went.

Can you imagine the impact that had on my belief system?  Can you imagine how you feel if you do that each day?  It’s huge!  After a few months, I felt like a could do anything!  The next step is applying powerful belief to …

Asking Someone For A Date

As far as asking someone for a date, if your confidence is not all there, first consider doing the above exercise and building the daylights out of your belief system.  Then, click here to read my article titled How and Where to Find Love.  It covers tips on where to meet people, how to open a conversation, and so on.  In addition to that article, here are a few more tips for meeting new people.

  Be Upbeat And Humorous

If you’re meeting someone for the first time, please remember that you’re making a first impression.  Don’t tell them about all the negative things that have happened in your life in the past ten years.  Believe me, they’ll want to run.

Don’t knock things or people, it make you look like an ass.  If someone else is being negative, yes, you can gain rapport with them by acting in a similar manner.  The question is, is this the type of person you really want to connect with — a person who is willing to look like a psycho the first time they talk to someone?

The type of person you choose to interact with is up to you, of course.  I still recommend you put your best foot forward.  Try to be upbeat.  Try to smile.  Try to be humorous, and try to do so in a way where you’re not being funny at anyone else’s expense.

If you do need to be funny at someone else’s expense, make that someone you.  Poking fun at yourself makes you look sure of yourself and secure.  This works the same way that you appear insecure when you brag a lot or try too hard to impress a person.

In essence, a confident, secure person doesn’t need to tell the world that they are confident and secure: this is simply the way they are.  If you have to push these things on someone or point them out, it has the opposite effect.  So if you are going to poke fun at anyone, make it you.  Believe me, it makes you look a thousand times more sure of yourself than when you poke fun at others.

Carry Yourself Confidently

Again, people can sense confidence.  And confidence is sexy.  So approach someone like you are worth their time … like you have something to offer … like you’re not a psycho like their ex.  Sit and stand tall and proud.  Be relaxed.  And for God’s sake, make eye contact.

You’re not going to impress anyone by looking at the ground or coming off as totally terrified.  Look at it from the other person’s perspective.  Someone approaches them, and then acts terrified and won’t make or maintain eye contact.  What kind of message does that send?  I’ll tell you.  It will make them nervous.  It will make them think that they are doing something wrong that’s causing you to be uneasy, and that your uneasiness is making you not want to look at them and making you uncomfortable.

Don’t Be Cruel

Real simple: if someone doesn’t give you a response you like, hold your head high and walk away with dignity.  Don’t feel hurt and make a mean comment.  Don’t try to make yourself feel better by putting them down or saying anything stupid.  Always take the high road.  Respect their right to not be interested and go find someone who is.

All in all, be kind, confident, funny, and nice.  If someone’s not interested, be proud of the fact that you had the guts to approach them and keep on looking.

Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women  Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women

For those of you who have read my articles and newsletters, and are interested in looking into my books, here’s how:

Sex Secrets For Men — Discover how to make women orgasm with ease, how to maintain an erection for hours, the keys to getting women to pose nude, how to have sex with two women at once, how to read a woman’s sexual signals, and a whole lot more.

Dating Made Easy For Men — You’ll learn how to overcome shyness, the best places to meet women, a proven pickup line, how to easily start and maintain conversations, how to read women’s signals, and much more.

How To Attract Women Online — The keys to finding romance at online dating sites and chat rooms, including in-depth instructions for writing winning personal ads, how to effectively respond to ads, what to do in chat rooms, and a great deal more.

The Master Dating Course — This is simply all three of my books, wrapped into one, and priced at a huge discount.  If you want to master every angle of attracting women and being great in bed, this is the book for you.


“I have received other manuals and none of them were as well written as yours!  I am impressed.  It is easy to read and understand.  Your “secret pick-up-line” works!  The literature also goes into detail about confidence and goals.  I have read many other dating books/manuals and this is the best!  This is the first one that made me believe I can do it!  Thanks again John and good luck!”
Aarin E. – Utah

Read more testimonials from readers of my books

Online Dating Site of the Mont

Online Dating Service Review 

Date.com is one of the best overall dating services we’ve reviewed.  It is one of the easiest dating services to use, and it offers the full spectrum of dating service features.  This is why it gets a near perfect overall rating from us at 29 out of 30.

To really test drive Date.com, you’re best bet is to set up your free account.  So to make things easier for you, every link on this page goes right to their free account registration page.  It only takes two to three minutes.  And once your free account is set up, you can log in and check out the the excellent features that they offer, including the following:
  • Millions of members.  Date.com offers one of the most expansive memberships with over 5 million personal ads from around the world.  When we compared large international dating sites, we tested search results in ten random countries, such as Brazil, Taiwan, and Egypt.  93 percent of the time, Date.com had the greatest number of people in these search tests.  And, of course, the more members you can contact, the far greater your chances for success.
  • Results!  When we test dating sites against one another, we actually create ads and place them on the sites.  After all, not only do we look to see how well the sites function, we want to see how well they get you dates. Of the international sites we tested, Date.com got us the best results.
  • It’s very easy to use.  Of all the big name sites we have reviewed that offer top-notch features, Date.com is one of the easiest to use.  If you are looking for an excellent site that is easy to navigate, you will really enjoy Date.com.
  • Great pictures.  Hands-down, Date.com has the best quality pictures of any international dating service we visited.
  • See who’s interested.  Quickly see a list of the members who are interested in you with easy access to their profile.  If you see someone you like, you can contact them with the confidence that they are already interested.
  • Your interest list.  See a quick list of the members who you shown interest in with easy access to their profiles.
  • Alerts.  You’ll be notified when you have new mail waiting for you or when someone is interested in you.  This makes it nice since you don’t have to constantly check it.
  • Multiple pictures.  Post or view up to five different pictures.  Multiple pictures is always a good way to see what someone really looks like.
  • Away message.  If you can’t reply, simply activate your Away Message.
  • Chat.  Go 1-on-1 with other members in the chat rooms.  This is a great way to vastly improve your chances of success.  It’s nice, of course, to exchange email.  But it’s far better when you can immediately talk to people that you’re interested in.
  • Advanced matching.  Find your ideal date with their computerized Auto-Match feature.


  • In-depth Search.  You have the option of basic search, advanced search, search by new members, by location, or by who’s online.  This is a great way to refine your search and to find what you’re really looking for.

This is simply a great site with all the bells and whistles you can get.  And with over 5 million members and such great features, you should have no problem meeting someone.

Date.com Dating Service Features

Free to Join yes
Post Personal Ad Free yes
Browse Personals Free yes
Instant Messaging yes
Chat Rooms yes
Post Multiple Pictures yes

Date.com Dating Service Ratings

Site Speed 4
Ease of Use 5
Quality of Pictures 5
Quality of Personal Ads 5
Member Size 5
Search Features 5
Total Score 29 of 30

Send Us Your Feedback and Suggestions  Feedback and Suggestions 

This newsletter is here to serve and benefit you, the reader.  So do not hesitate to tell us how we can improve things.  In addition, you are encouraged to suggest article ideas and to let us know what you think of the newsletter.  Simply email us at the below address:

[email protected]

That’s it for this issue.  Thanks for reading Sex and Dating Tips!


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