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home  ::  sex and dating tips newsletter  ::  july 2003

JULY 2003

Sex and Dating Tips Newsletter
Proven Sexual Techniques and Dating Advice 

by John Francis

In This Issue …

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Special Feature
Tip of the Month  Premier Personals Featured in Newsday

On June 28, 2003 our site was featured in Newsday — the eighth largest paper in the U.S. — in an article titled, Finding Someone Who Clicks.  The article, by writer Nelson Wang, focused on online dating for seniors.  In the article Premier Personals president, John Naposki, recommended the best sites for the senior crowd — Senior Friend Finder being his top recommendation.  Mr. Naposki also provided online dating tips specifically for seniors.

We sincerely thank Mr. Wang, hope the suggestions we provided were helpful, and wish him the best of success in his writing endeavors.  In light of the Newsday article, we have chosen Senior Friend Finder as our site to review in this month’s newsletter.

This Month’s Sex Tip
Tip of the Month  The Foundation for Great Sex

When I poll readers of my books, they always want sex advice in obvious areas: sex positions, making their partner orgasm more easily, reading sexual signals, and things like that.

This newsletter will definitely touch on these topics in due time.  At the same time, there are other sexual factors that are as important and many which are much more important.  One of these factors — and it is a huge component of great sex — is connection.  Romantic connection is largely the result of three things:

  1. Open communication
  2. A willingness to be vulnerable
  3. Mutual attraction

The least important of these three items is mutual attraction because it generally happens on its own (it’s what tends to initially attract two people to one another).  The other two items, communication and vulnerability, are items that the two people have to put effort into.  If both parties are willing to do so, they can create amazing connection and, as a result, can share amazing sexual experiences.

I have had a lot of sexual experience.  And as an author who writes books on sex and dating, I have done a lot of research on sex.  One thing I can tell you is this: If you under-value how vital communication and connection are to great sex, you’re dramatically diminishing the quality of your sex life.

Effective communication leads to amazing connection.  When you combine this connection with both people allowing themselves to be vulnerable, the sexual experience can be mind-blowing.  Consider this example from a chat I had with a woman I had met online:

John:  it all depends on you …
John:  how good the sex is
Woman:  how’s that?
John:  i am only as good as my partner will connect with me
Woman:  i agree…so for me, it all depends on you
John:  nice.  yeah, there has to be connection…
John:  a mutual respect, a liking for the person
John:  vulnerability
John:  vulnerability is huge
Woman:  well put….most guys don’t ever grasp that

This was a woman I had just met.  We ended up talking online for a long time.  We then continued the conversation on the phone.  Overall, we talked for around four hours!  This, my friend, is the value of communication and vulnerability.  They are the root of sexual connection, which is the foundation for great sex.  Now that we know how crucial connection is to great sex, let’s look at the two key components: open communication and a willingness to be vulnerable.

Open Communication

There are two forms of sexual communication: verbal and non-verbal.  The more effectively both are done, the better the connection and the better the sexual experience.  Let’s look at each.

Verbal Sexual Communication

This obviously means talking to your partner about sex.  But you want to do so in an effective manner.  In other words, you want to make them comfortable so that feel free to be open.  This means no criticizing, no cutting people off mid-sentence, and not making the other person feel ridiculous or stupid in any way.

How do you get this conversation started?

The best way to start this conversation is to simply use a question.  You could, of course, approach the person and say you want to sit down with them and discuss how to improve your sex life.  However, it’s much easier to open things up with a question.  Any of the following will do well:

  • What can I do to make you happier in bed?
  • What do you enjoy most when we’re in bed together?
  • Is there anything you don’t enjoy when we’re in bed?
  • And so on

These questions will easily get the conversation started.  And because the other person’s answers has a direct influence on their happiness, they should be very willing to engage in the conversation.

In addition, these questions will usually prompt the other person to ask you questions as well.  After they answer, for instance, most people (unless they are self-absorbed asses) will then ask, “Okay, what can I do to make you happier in bed?”

This is a simple, painless way to effectively discover more about your partner and what makes them happy.  And for those of you who are too selfish to make the other person happy, here’s a word of truth: you’re diminishing your own sexual happiness as well.  It’s true.  You see, the more you do to make the other person happy, the more they’ll want to do to please you.

I’ve proven this time and time again.  I go the extra mile for women and, in return, they do more to please me than they have for any other guy.  And they do so happily, with no manipulating or persuading.  Like everything in life, the more you give, the more you receive.

So talk to your partner about sex.  Find out what you’re not doing, and try to do it (at least every so often).  Find out what you do that they like and try to do it better.  And tell them all the same information.  This alone will make a huge impact on the sex.

Non-Verbal Sexual Communication

Non-verbal sexual communication can be a little trickier than directly talking about sex.  But it’s still not rocket science.

First, look for the obvious.  Is the other person reading when you two are having intercourse?  Generally, this is a terrible signal.  In serious, there are obvious signs.  Heightened breathing, intensified moaning, and someone grabbing you tighter are all good signs.  Whereas, if breathing or moaning diminish or stop, these are not such great signs.

Breathing and moaning patterns are your biggest cues.  However, they can also be very subtle.  Women react differently to oral sex.  Some like having their clit licked, some like to be fingered, some like their vaginal lips sucked, and so on.  Most women will say that all of the above is perfectly fine.  Even still, there are preferences.

To find the preferences, you need to pay attention for the subtle sexual signals.  If I am licking a woman’s clit and then start licking her vaginal lips, she may start breathing a tiny bit shallower.  This tells me she likes the clitoral stimulation a bit more.  Now, because someone likes one thing more than another, it does not mean you shouldn’t do both.  In this case, I will pay more attention to the clit, but not spend all day there either, because even if someone loves something, constant repetition can get boring to them.  Do what they love, but be creative and varied.  This will keep things more interesting.

The main trick, when it comes to non-verbal sexual signals, is awareness.  The more you look for them, the easier they will be to spot.  Is their breathing changing?  Is their hand pressure on your body increasing or decreasing?  Are they gently caressing you and telling you to slow things down?  Are they moving faster and telling you to spice things up?

Again, this is not rocket science — unless you aren’t paying attention to it.  The next key to great sexual connection is …

A Willingness to be Vulnerable

People that are afraid (or unwilling) to be vulnerable diminish the quality of their sex.  Sometimes, an unwillingness to be vulnerable is very understandable.  For instance, if a person is involved with someone who puts them down all the time, they will not open up for fear of being hurt.  This is perfectly understandable.  Of course, there are billions of other people and it might be wise to find someone who treats you better.

Another common hindrance to being vulnerable is a person’s past.  If someone has had four straight lousy relationships, they are more likely to be weary of opening up.  They are conditioned to being hurt.  As such, they keep walls up so no one has the power to crush them.  This is understandable, but not much help to their current relationship.

The best remedy for this is a boost in confidence and self-esteem.  After all, the better you feel about yourself, the less a person can hurt you — no matter how much they try and no matter how vulnerable you let yourself be.

The third major hold up to a person’s willingness to open up is fear of things only going one way.  In other words, I don’t want to open my heart and give someone my love because I fear I won’t receive the same in return.  The love factor is obviously less an issue if you’re not looking to get serious with a person.  If you are looking to get serious or are already serious, you pretty much know how the other person feels.  And if you’re not sure, simply ask them.  If they truly love you, you should have no reason to fear opening up.  If they are not likely to love you, I’d ask why you are looking to be in a serious relationship with them?

If none of the above roadblocks are involved, vulnerability can make for amazing sex.  True vulnerability is the state where two people can totally open their souls — with no fears and nothing to hide — and they are open to give and receive love.  It leads to amazing and beautiful experiences, even when no sex is involved.

If you’ve experienced this level of love and connection, you know precisely what I’m talking about — the connection is amazing and your emotions are welled up.  You feel a calm, a beauty, and an uncanny inner peace.  If you haven’t experienced this, you may be missing out on the most remarkable experience that two people can ever share with one another.

If you and your partner can’t get the vulnerability going, ask yourself why?  Do one of you have a fear?  Are past events affecting your present actions?  Are you concerned that you feel a certain way and the other person may not?  Whatever the case, until you identify what the mental blocks are, you won’t be able to remedy them.

If you can do the above two things — effectively communicate and be truly open with one another — you can have better sexual experiences than most people will ever have.

Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women  Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women

For those of you who have read my articles and newsletters, and are interested in looking into my books, here’s how:

Sex Secrets For Men — Discover how to make women orgasm with ease, how to maintain an erection for hours, the keys to getting women to pose nude, how to have sex with two women at once, how to read a woman’s sexual signals, and a whole lot more.

Dating Made Easy For Men — You’ll learn how to overcome shyness, the best places to meet women, a proven pickup line, how to easily start and maintain conversations, how to read women’s signals, and much more.

How To Attract Women Online — The keys to finding romance at online dating sites and chat rooms, including in-depth instructions for writing winning personal ads, how to effectively respond to ads, what to do in chat rooms, and a great deal more.

The Master Dating Course — This is simply all three of my books, wrapped into one, and priced at a huge discount.  If you want to master every angle of attracting women and being great in bed, this is the book for you.


“I have received other manuals and none of them were as well written as yours!  I am impressed.  It is easy to read and understand.  Your “secret pick-up-line” works!  The literature also goes into detail about confidence and goals.  I have read many other dating books/manuals and this is the best!  This is the first one that made me believe I can do it!  Thanks again John and good luck!”
Aarin E. – Utah

Read more testimonials from readers of my books

Online Dating Site of the Month
Send Us Your Feedback and Suggestions  S
enior Friend Finder

Senior Friend Finder is the number one online meeting place for the over 50 crowd.  In fact, the president of our site was featured by Newsday — the 8th largest newspaper in the U.S. — in an article on senior dating, and he recommended Senior Friend Finder as the best senior dating service.

He recommended Senior Friend Finder because it is free to sign up, very easy to use, and provides a safe environment for mature adults to meet.  Here’s at look at what makes Senior Friend Finder so excellent:

  • Easy to Use – Whether you’re new to computers or handle them with great ease, the dating service you use should be easy to use.  And Senior Friend Finder is one the fastest and easiest senior dating services in existence.
  • Success – It’s not enough for a dating service to be quick and easy to use: it also has to get results.  This means it needs to have a lot of members.  Senior Friend Finder is one of the largest senior dating services on the Internet, offering you excellent chances to easily meet people.
  • Anonymous Email – See someone’s profile you like?  Send them an email and let them know.  Your “real identityâ€