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home  ::  sex and dating tips newsletter  ::  august 2003

AUG 2003

Sex and Dating Tips Newsletter
Proven Sexual Techniques and Dating Advice 

by John Francis

In This Issue …

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Special Feature
Tip of the Month  An Important Message To Our Readers

We have people coming to our site from all over the world.  We wanted to take a moment to thank all of you.  We work very hard to deliver excellent information on our site and we sincerely hope that you enjoy it.

The numbers suggest that we are doing a decent job as we are one of the fastest growing web sites on the Internet.  In our first 5 months we have become one of the top one-tenth of one percent of the web’s most visited sites.

We are truly grateful for our success and feel privileged to be doing work that we thoroughly enjoy.  As such, we wanted to inform each and every person that visits our site that you are enormously appreciated.  We will continue to put our best efforts forward to bring you the most informative dating site on the Internet.  As always, if you have suggestions or feedback, it is always welcome.

Thank you!
– The Premier Personals Staff.

This Month’s Dating Tip
Tip of the Month  Having A Great Relationship

This month, we’re going to discuss some key components of what it takes to have a great relationship.  This information is geared toward long-term relationships.  We’ll start things off by dispelling a dating myth that does more harm than good.  Namely …

Opposites Do Not Attract

In the world of science, opposites may attract.  But in the world of dating, where human beings are involved, this is almost never the case.  Sure, you may be initially attracted to someone who is a total opposite.  But how long does the attraction really last?

For instance, take two people who are extremely physically attracted to one another.  Let’s say that one likes to drink.  Let’s say that the other grew up with an alcoholic and hates anything to do with drinking.  Despite the intense physical attraction they have to one another, how long would you give these two before they drive each other insane?  Six months … maybe a year, at best?

People often stay together in situations like this and we end up with an all too common situation: a relationship where no one is happy.  We see these unhappy relationships all the time.  And with billions of people to choose from in this world, it’s hard to comprehend why this is so common.

The good news is, it’s easy to avoid ending up with someone who isn’t right for you.  We’ll now look at two key components that will help you find someone who is an excellent match, starting with …

Mutual Attraction

Too many times, a person dates someone that they are only sort of attracted to.  This can happen for numerous reasons: they might be lonely, they might be bored, they might be on the rebound, they might be following the advice of friends.

Whatever the case, it is not unusual for people to innocently start a relationship for all the wrong reasons, only to find — years later — that they are still with this “wrong” person.

Most of us have experienced this once (or numerous times).  We started dating someone, quite innocently, who was okay enough to date.  They weren’t our ideal, at the same time they weren’t all that bad.  Despite being only kind of happy with the relationship, we got used to it and kept going along with it.

Situations like these, while extremely common, can easily be avoided.  For starters, make sure there is a genuine mutual attraction.  Not only should you be physically and mentally attracted to a person, they should feel the same way about you.

If this attraction doesn’t exist, from day one, it is only a matter of time before you or the other person meets someone else that you find more to your liking.  Then, one of two things will typically happen: there’s a breakup or someone gets cheated on.

Of course, even with there being intense mutual attraction, breakups and cheating can still occur.  But they are far more likely to happen, almost guaranteed, if one of the two people isn’t genuinely attracted to the other.

Once you know the mutual attraction is there, the next key is to find a person who is a great match for you.  This is where we will discuss how opposites do not attract and the type of person you should be looking for.

Values Versus Hobbies

If you want to have a great relationship — the type that few people ever seem to experience — the key is to find a person who shares your values.  Many people go about this all wrong and seek out a person who has similar likes and hobbies.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the same things as someone else.  But that only goes so far.  If you both love movies and photography, that’s great.  You have things that you can both share and enjoy together.  But in the grand scheme, how important is this if you don’t share the same values?

For instance, if you are tolerant and open-minded and the other person is a racist, does it really matter how many hobbies you both have in common?  Of course not.  Yes, this is an extreme example where you know, right away, that there are going to be problems.  But I have seen many people, in equally obvious situations, jump right into a relationship with someone who had polar opposite values.

I have seen animal lovers date hunters.  I have seen people who love to stay at home with people who hate staying in.  Fact is, we all know of relationships that looked totally doomed from the start.  In fact, at some point most of us have been in one of these relationships, knowing from the start that it probably wasn’t going to work.

Now I am not suggesting that people with differing values can’t make relationships work.  But in order for this to happen, a major downside almost always has to occur.  Namely, one person has to relinquish their values to allow the other person’s values to exist.  Ultimately, we end up with one person who is happy and another who continually gets more and more miserable.  

Most of us have done this.  Most of us have also tried to compromise.  But with contrary values, compromise rarely works.  Someone almost always has to “give in” to the other person’s ideals.

The question is, why do we do it?  Why do we jump into a relationship with someone when we know it is doomed from the start?  There are numerous possible reasons and I could spend all day describing them.  Rather than do that, I will state some of the reasons why I got into lousy relationships.

For me, the main two reasons I got into lousy relationships was lack of confidence and loneliness.  Whenever I was feeling crappy about myself, a significant other was always an easy way to make me feel better.  And sometimes I got into lousy relationships simply because I felt lonely.

My relationships didn’t start becoming excellent until I first worked on becoming confident and also on just being happy, whether someone else was dating me or not.  As my confidence and inner happiness grew, my need to have someone around to make me feel better diminished.

I can’t speak for everyone, but my reasons for getting into crummy relationships looks very similar to the reasons that other people get into poorly matched relationships.  Most of the time, loneliness or insecurity is the cause.

If either loneliness or insecurity has hampered your ability to meet a great match, you may want to read my article in the February Sex and Dating Tips newsletter.  This article, called “Asking Someone for a Date,” has some good tips that can help you to easily improve your belief system and your confidence.

Whether you want to boost your confidence or not, you still need to find someone who has the kind of values that matter to you.  This is the only surefire way to ensure long-term success in a relationship.  So let’s take a look at …

Finding The Right Relationship Values

The key to finding the right values in someone else is to first identify what values are most important to you.  We all have a pretty good idea of what we value most.  But have you ever sat down and thought about values in terms of what they mean to a relationship?

For instance, your top value might be intelligence.  But if you have been repeatedly cheated on and lied to, your top relationship-based value might be honesty.  The key here is not to ask yourself what you value most … the key is to ask yourself what you value most in a relationship and in a friend (because in a relationship that’s what the other person should be — an exceptional and close friend).  So the the first step is ask yourself:

What do I value most in a relationship and a friend?

Let’s say you came up with a list like this one:

  • honesty

  • an open mind

  • kindness

  • neatness

  • good communication skills

  • responsible

  • well-dressed

  • upbeat

  • outgoing

  • attractive

  • full-figured

  • educated

Okay, now we have an idea of what we’re looking for.  The next step is determining what really matters.  Some people are a little idealistic and they want everything on the list.  While this can happen, it can also take a damn long time.

What you choose to pursue in someone is up to you.  Of course, the more picky you are the harder you make it on yourself.  I am not suggesting you eliminate everything that’s important to you, I am suggesting that you seek what is most important to you above all else.  I’ll give you an example of how my own relationship values shifted, and how this affected my dating life.

I used to have an unbelievably long list of things I wanted in someone.  And the better I got at meeting women, the more insane this list got.  I wanted her to be smart, open-minded, between 5′ and 5′ 6″, honest, outgoing, nice, sexually experienced, facially gorgeous, athletically built with small boobs (a or b-cup only), quick-witted, didn’t do drugs, non-pretentious, and on and on it went till there were 16 different items I wanted.

Of course, I never did meet this woman.  Due to the amount of women I dated, I got close very often.  But what I was looking for was so ridiculous that I made it nearly impossible to find such a person.

After years of dating and nearly 100 relationships that somehow didn’t work out, two important things happened:

  1. My values changed a great deal

  2. I realized that not all values are created equally

Of course, I made it nearly impossible to find “the one” with the overboard wish list I had for what I wanted in a woman.  As such, I evaluated my relationship values and decided they were too much.  I realized that I’d have an incredibly hard time ever finding exactly what I wanted.  And even if I did, it might take decades.

With all the dating I did, I also realized that my relationship values had changed.  They changed a lot.  These changes largely came from my dating experience.  For instance, I had dated quite a few super model looking women who were really mean people.  This made a person’s physical appearance a lot less important to me.  I had also dated a lot of very insecure women who were insanely jealous and in constant need of emotional reinforcement.  This made me shift my values so that I now wanted someone who was a bit more emotionally secure.

Rating the Importance of Relationship Values

My relationship values had shifted a great deal, but I also realized that some values were a lot more important than others.  I’ll illustrate this by giving you a new version of my relationship values:

  • someone secure

  • someone genuinely kind

  • someone I am attracted to

  • someone who communicates well

  • someone open-minded and tolerant

  • someone honest and direct

These were the things that became most important to me in a relationship.  However, I didn’t want to make the same mistake by making it impossible to find these things in a person.  So I rated these things on jut how important they really were.

I looked back on my dating experiences and decided that the single thing I liked least was mean-spirited people.  That said, the most important relationship value to me became kindness.  I wanted someone with a genuinely good heart.

Next, I decided that I wanted someone I was attracted to.  She didn’t have to be an A or B-Cup, any particular height, or anything else.  I simply had to be genuinely attracted to her.  But even this was less important to me than kindness, because I knew that, no matter how “hot” she was, she would get ugly fast if she treated me like crap or was a nasty human being.

Then, something interesting happened.  The rest of my list kind of vanished.  I realized that if a person was genuinely kind and good-hearted that they would be honest by nature.  They would probably also be tolerant.  And to me, these things were more important than if a person is secure and a good communicator, so I stopped worrying about those things.

Way I saw it, a person can learn to be confident and can learn to effectively communicate.  However, it’s hard to teach someone how to be kind — it’s either their nature or it isn’t.

In the end, I decided that I wanted someone attractive with a good heart.  And this is exactly what I found in my wife.  She is one of the nicest, most caring people you will ever meet, and she is beautiful.  And as long as she remains the same way in her heart, I wouldn’t trade her for the world.

Here, my friend, is the whole thing:

  1. Seek mutual attraction

  2. Decide what values you want in a person

  3. Decide which of these values really matters

I adore my wife in every way, and I can tell you from experience that these are the precise reasons why.  Fact is, until you know what you really want and what is truly important to you, chances are good that you’ll never find it.  And remember, don’t make it hard to succeed by having a lengthy list of values you want in a person.  Decide on the values that really, really matter and search for the person who has them.  This is the path to a great relationship.

Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women  Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women

For those of you who have read my articles and newsletters, and are interested in looking into my books, here’s how:

Sex Secrets For Men — Discover how to make women orgasm with ease, how to maintain an erection for hours, the keys to getting women to pose nude, how to have sex with two women at once, how to read a woman’s sexual signals, and a whole lot more.

Dating Made Easy For Men — You’ll learn how to overcome shyness, the best places to meet women, a proven pickup line, how to easily start and maintain conversations, how to read women’s signals, and much more.

How To Attract Women Online — The keys to finding romance at online dating sites and chat rooms, including in-depth instructions for writing winning personal ads, how to effectively respond to ads, what to do in chat rooms, and a great deal more.

The Master Dating Course — This is simply all three of my books, wrapped into one, and priced at a huge discount.  If you want to master every angle of attracting women and being great in bed, this is the book for you.

“I have received other manuals and none of them were as well written as yours!  I am impressed.  It is easy to read and understand.  Your “secret pick-up-line” works!  The literature also goes into detail about confidence and goals.  I have read many other dating books/manuals and this is the best!  This is the first one that made me believe I can do it!  Thanks again John and good luck!”
Aarin E. – Utah

Read more testimonials from readers of my books

Online Dating Site of the Month
Send Us Your Feedback and Suggestions 

We have compared hundreds of dating services and Match.com is the site we feel is the overall best dating service on the Internet.  Match.com offers you detailed personal ads with excellent pictures, and industry leading search features.  And this is only the beginning.  Take a look at what they offer:

  • Anonymously Phone People – Never again give out your phone number when you can call using Match Voice.  You have three options: “Leave Message” lets you send a voicemail from your phone, “Talk Now” lets you make an instant live phone call, and “Schedule Call” lets you set up a live phone call.  The ability to talk to members by phone – without giving out your phone number – is an awesome resource.

  • Video Email and Video Profiles – Easily create a video for your Match profile or email.  You also have the option to search video profiles.  This is one of the many cutting-edge features that Match.com offers.

  • Photo Instant Messaging – Match Messenger is an easy way to instantly connect with other Match.com members who are online with you.  You and the member you’re messaging will see each other’s Match.com username and photo (if a photo is available).  You also can roll your cursor over the profile statistics icon to see a member’s age, gender, location, and what he or she wants in a match or click on the icon to view the entire profile.  An excellent way to easily connect with people.

  • Exceptional Search Features – They offer all kinds of searches: quick searches, detailed searches, searches by location, and by criteria.  In addition, they offer …

  • Two-Way Matching – Unlike searching, matching uses their exclusive two-way matching technology to locate all members that match what you are looking for, and then narrows the list to those members who are looking for people with a profile like yours.  This is a great feature if you don’t want to sift through thousands of personals.  It gets even easier, because you don’t even need to be online to find great matches …

  • Exclusive Venus Search – Venus searches Match.com’s massive database to seek out your matches and delivers the newest profiles directly to your inbox.  You don’t even need to be online, the searches are done for you.  Simply browse the profiles she’s found for you and then connect with great matches.

  • Anonymous Email – Your privacy is respected and your actual email address is always confidential. You’ll never see it or your real name displayed at Match.com.

As if these features aren’t enough, the 8 million members gives you far greater chances for success and more personals to browse than any other dating service.  If you’re looking for a great dating service, register at Match.com for free.

Match.com Dating Service Features

Free to Join yes
Post Personal Ad Free yes
Browse Personals Free yes
Photo Instant Messaging yes
Video Personals yes
Anonymous Phone Calls yes
Anonymous Email yes
Post Multiple Pictures yes

Match.com Dating Service Ratings

Site Speed 4
Ease of Use 5
Quality of Pictures 5
Quality of Personals 5
Member Size 5
Search Features 5
Total Score 29 of 30

Send Us Your Feedback and Suggestions  Feedback and Suggestions 

This newsletter is here to serve and benefit you, the reader.  So do not hesitate to tell us how we can improve things.  In addition, you are encouraged to suggest article ideas and to let us know what you think of the newsletter.  Simply email us at the below address:

[email protected]

That’s it for this issue.  Thanks for reading Sex and Dating Tips!


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