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home  ::  sex and dating tips newsletter  ::  nov-dec 2003

NOV 2003 DEC

Sex and Dating Tips Newsletter
Proven Sexual Techniques and Dating Advice 

by John Francis

In This Issue …

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Special Feature
Tip of the Month  Premier Personals Featured on the Ricki Lake Show

On October 28, 2003 our site was featured on an episode of the Ricki Lake show.  The episode was entitled Big Beautiful Dating Game.  For us, this marked a very special achievement: we became the first and only dating review site to be featured on national TV, a top ten U.S. newspaper (Newsday), and one of the world’s largest magazines (Playboy).  In addition, we’ve also been interviewed by prominent sources like The Wall Street Journal.  We have worked very hard on this site, are proud of our achievements, and sincerely hope our site brings you a valuable and enjoyable Internet experience.

This Month’s Sex Tip
Tip of the Month  Performing Oral Sex on a Woman

A lot of readers requested advice on performing oral sex on a woman.  Guys, if you’re down there forever, and the only results you’re getting are lock jaw and neck cramps, this article will help.  In addition to discussing technique, we’re also going to cover key items such as communication and reading signals.

We’ll be doing so because good oral sex has as much to do with communication and reading signals as it does with technique.  After all, you can’t apply the exact same technique to every woman: different women like different things.  Some like it fast, some like it slow, some like the focus on their clitoris, some on their vaginal lips, and so on and so on.  That said, we’ll start with effective communication.


The simplest way to find out what someone likes is to have them tell you.  When it comes to sex this is often easier said than done.  If your partner could be doing things a little better, it’s difficult to tell them this in a diplomatic way.  After all, we worry about hurting someone’s feelings and bruising their ego.  Here are some ideas for talking about sex that should make the process a little easier.

  • Stress the Positive – When trying to suggest a sex idea, you don’t want to be negative and you don’t want to make the person feel like crap.  So try to be positive.  For example, “I love the way you do such and such, and I think it would be cool if you tried adding this into it.”

    Think about how that would work if a woman was suggesting an oral sex idea to a man.  She might say, “You are excellent when you perform oral sex on me, and I think it would be really cool if you also used your fingers (or licked here, or varied your speed, etc.).

    This approach is nice because it in no way knocks your partner, while at the same time it does compliment them.  The compliment and lack of criticism should make them feel more open to suggestions.  Especially if it means you might be offering them more praise in the future.  In essence, telling a person what they do well and making suggestions will always be better than telling them that they are lousy at something.
  • The “Something New” Approach – If you want someone to do something a certain way in bed, try telling the person that you want to try something new.  You might say, “The idea of a guy fingering me while he performs oral sex on me really turns me on, but no one has ever done it,” or “I’ve always wanted to try (fill in the blank), but was waiting for someone I felt really comfortable with.”

    What makes this technique work is that it’s nice to have something sexual that is unique to the person you’re with.  We also love the idea of being the first person to do it with them.  This is your chance to suggest something that only belongs to the two of you.
  • The Fantasy Chat – I’ve gotten women to try a lot of things that they had never tried before, and also to do things with me that they wouldn’t try with other guys.  What’s my secret?  It’s simple.

    I look to please them first.

    I ask a woman what I can do in bed to make her happy.  Is there something I can do better?  Is there a fantasy that, for one reason or another, she’s never talked to another guy about or was never able to try?

    I encourage women to tell me anything, assuring them that they don’t ever have to worry about being nervous, or fearing any kind of judgment or ridicule.  And I have heard some wild and weird stuff.

    The point is, the women know that I am trying to make them happy, not trying make them feel stupid or weird.  As a result, they almost always reciprocate by asking me what my fantasies are or what they can do better.  And then, everyone is happy.

These three suggestions should make verbal communication a lot easier.  But there is also a lot to be said for non-verbal communication and the signals people send one another in bed.  So let’s talk about …

Reading Sexual Signals

For a living, I study dating, relationships, and sex.  I have spent years doing so — studying attraction, cultural mating habits, the human mind, body language, sexual chemistry, and sexual technique.  In addition, there’s my hands-on experience: asking hundreds of women for dates, noticing what works and what doesn’t, as well as testing every conceivable sexual situation imaginable.

I can truthfully say that I’ve reached a point where I can read the most subtle signals with great accuracy.  I’m not talking about something blatant like a woman showing me interest by making intense and obvious eye-contact with me.  I can now tell if a woman is interested if she makes certain gestures with her arms, tilts her head a certain way while looking at me, alters her breathing patterns in certain ways, positions her eyes or mouth in specific manners, and so on.  Because people are so diverse, I am not correct every time.  But I am on the mark far more often than I’m not.

There’s a reason I’m telling you all this.  Namely, there are always signals.  And in some cases, they can be incredibly subtle.  Of course, you’ll deal with instances where the signals are anything but subtle — situations where the woman is moaning hard, breathing deeply, or loudly and directly telling you that you are hitting all the right buttons.

What we’re concerned with here are the frequent times where these obvious signals are not present.  In these cases the solution is simple: you need to pay close attention.  The slightest change in breathing can be a gigantic clue.  So can a slight change in body position.

The signals are always there.  The main reason people have a hard time reading the signals is usually one of two things:

  1. Lack of effort – they are not genuinely paying any attention or simply are too selfish to care (this problem is a lot more common with men).
  2. Uncertainty – You think there is a signal, but you’re not sure how to react to it or if the other person even wants you to react to it.

There can, of course, be other reasons involved, but these are the two most common reasons that sexual signals are not acted on.  Since the signals are always there and they aren’t that difficult to read if you look for them, let’s quickly discuss how to react to them.

The first step is pretty obvious: know what type of signal you’re getting.  If your partner was moaning or breathing deeply and then stopped, the signal is that you have (a) stopped doing what it was that they liked or (b) you have been doing it too long and what you’re doing has gotten a bit boring.

The solution here is easy: start doing something different.  If what you do doesn’t do the trick, keep trying things till something does.  Eventually, something should do the trick.  If nothing does, there’s likely a mental block, and it might be time to stop and talk to find out what’s wrong.

On the other hand, if your partner has noticeably increased their breathing or started cheering you on, you are obviously on the right path.

These are relatively easy situations, but there are also times when the signals are very faint or you can’t tell if they’re good signals or bad signals.  In this case, you can either take the initiative to assume what the signals mean and act accordingly or you can open your mouth and ask.  A lot of people are perfectly comfortable with being vocal in bed.  At the same time, many people are uncomfortable with it or have never tried it.

As I’ve gotten older and had more sexual experiences, I can honestly say that I cannot recall too many women who do not like talking, or being talked to, during sex.  It makes sex more intimate and can also make things a lot steamier.

Don’t be afraid to talk during sex.  For instance, if you were having sex and someone asked you what you’d like them to do, you’d obviously be eager to tell them.  The person would be just as eager to tell you if you asked them.

You can talk before sex, during sex, and after sex.  In all three cases, it allows you both to be more of whatever it is you both desire.  Whether it is more romantic, more aggressive, sharing more eye-contact, trying new positions, slowing down the tempo, wearing capes, or whatever the case may be, verbal communication is a great way to find out.

With that covered, let’s now get to the topic of performing oral sex on a woman.

Double Dipping

I have my own methods of performing oral sex, and ways that I adjust my techniques to suit different women.  However, I wanted to come give you something that would work pretty well with almost any woman.  So, before writing this part of the article, I consulted with a few women on oral sex technique.  To get really expert feedback, this included a few lesbians that I know.  These women have the awesome advantage of knowing what works from both the giving and receiving sides of the coin, which is as good as it gets.

The end result of all this is the “double dip.”  The double dip is nothing more than a stupid phrase I use to express the idea of approaching this with two simple techniques at once.  The first is the actual oral sex itself; the second is the use of your fingers.

Essentially, the universally favored oral sex technique that women liked best was to use your mouth and/or tongue while simultaneously sliding one or two fingers in and out of their vagina.

Regarding the oral technique, this can vary from woman to woman.  This is easy enough to figure out while you’re down there.  Try different things — licking the clitoris, licking her lips, using your tongue or your whole mouth, teasing her off and on, varying speeds, and so on.  Most women do like variation, but there is usually one or two specific things that they’ll like the most.

Then add the second item, the use of your fingers.  Again, the best way to see what the woman prefers is to simply test things out.  Some women like one finger, some like four, some like your fingers to go in and out fast, some prefer if you keep them deep inside while pressing a certain spot or rubbing their inner vaginal wall.  Like finding the best oral sex technique, finding out what she likes is simply a matter of trying differing things with your fingers till you find what she likes the most.

The double dip is and easy oral sex technique.  And it works.  In addition, women will love the exploration process as you go through the varying techniques while trying discover what she likes the most.  Have fun!

Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women  Proven Ways for Men to Attract Women

For those of you who have read my articles and newsletters, and are interested in looking into my books, here’s how:

Sex Secrets For Men — Discover how to make women orgasm with ease, how to maintain an erection for hours, the keys to getting women to pose nude, how to have sex with two women at once, how to read a woman’s sexual signals, and a whole lot more.

Dating Made Easy For Men — You’ll learn how to overcome shyness, the best places to meet women, a proven pickup line, how to easily start and maintain conversations, how to read women’s signals, and much more.

How To Attract Women Online — The keys to finding romance at online dating sites and chat rooms, including in-depth instructions for writing winning personal ads, how to effectively respond to ads, what to do in chat rooms, and a great deal more.

The Master Dating Course — This is simply all three of my books, wrapped into one, and priced at a huge discount.  If you want to master every angle of attracting women and being great in bed, this is the book for you.

“I have received other manuals and none of them were as well written as yours!  I am impressed.  It is easy to read and understand.  Your “secret pick-up-line” works!  The literature also goes into detail about confidence and goals.  I have read many other dating books/manuals and this is the best!  This is the first one that made me believe I can do it!  Thanks again John and good luck!”
Aarin E. – Utah

Read more testimonials from readers of my books

Send Us Your Feedback and Suggestions  Feedback and Suggestions 

This newsletter is here to serve and benefit you, the reader.  So do not hesitate to tell us how we can improve things.  In addition, you are encouraged to suggest article ideas and to let us know what you think of the newsletter.  Simply email us at the below address:

[email protected]

That’s it for this issue.  Thanks for reading Sex and Dating Tips!


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