NOV
2003
DEC
Sex and
Dating Tips Newsletter
–
Proven Sexual Techniques and Dating Advice
–
by John Francis
– View Newsletter Archives –
Special Feature
Premier Personals Featured on the Ricki Lake Show
On October 28, 2003 our site was featured on an episode
of the Ricki Lake show. The episode was entitled Big Beautiful
Dating Game. For us, this marked a very special achievement: we
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newspaper (Newsday), and one of the world’s largest
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enjoyable Internet experience.
This
Month’s Sex Tip
Performing
Oral Sex on a Woman
A lot of readers requested advice on performing oral sex on a
woman. Guys, if you’re down there
forever, and the only results you’re getting are lock jaw and neck cramps, this article will help. In addition to
discussing technique, we’re also going to cover key items such as communication
and reading signals.
We’ll be doing so because good oral sex has as much to do with communication and
reading signals as it does with technique. After all, you can’t apply the
exact same technique to every woman: different women like different
things. Some like it fast, some like it slow, some like the focus on their
clitoris, some on their vaginal lips, and so on and so on. That said,
we’ll start with effective communication.
Communication
The simplest way to find out what someone likes
is to have them tell you. When it comes to sex this is often easier
said than done. If your partner could be doing things a little better,
it’s difficult to tell them this in a diplomatic way. After all, we worry
about hurting someone’s feelings and bruising their ego. Here are some ideas
for talking about sex that should make the process a little easier.
- Stress the Positive – When trying to suggest a
sex idea, you don’t want to be negative and you don’t want to make the
person feel like crap. So try to be positive. For example,
“I love the way you do such and such, and I think it would be cool if you tried adding this into it.”
Think about how that would work if a woman was suggesting an oral sex idea
to a man. She might say, “You are excellent when you perform oral
sex on me, and I think it would be really cool if you also used your fingers
(or licked here, or varied your speed, etc.).
This approach is nice because it in no way knocks your partner, while at the
same time it
does compliment them. The compliment and lack of criticism should make them feel more open to suggestions.
Especially if it means you might be offering them more praise in the
future. In essence, telling a person what they do well and making
suggestions will always be better than telling them that they are lousy at
something.
- The “Something New” Approach
– If you want someone to do something a certain way in bed, try telling the
person that you want to try something new. You might say, “The idea of a guy
fingering me while he performs oral sex on me really turns me on, but no one has ever
done it,” or “I’ve always wanted to try (fill in the blank), but was
waiting for someone I felt really comfortable with.”
What makes this technique work is that it’s nice to have something sexual that is unique to the person
you’re with. We
also love the idea of being the first person to do it with them.
This is your chance to suggest something that only belongs to the two of
you.
- The Fantasy Chat – I’ve gotten women to
try a lot of things that they had never tried before, and also to do things
with me that they wouldn’t try with other guys. What’s my
secret? It’s simple.
I look to please them first.
I ask a woman what I can do in bed to make her happy. Is there something
I can do better? Is there a fantasy that, for one
reason or another, she’s never talked to another guy about or was never
able to try?
I encourage women to tell me anything, assuring them that they don’t ever
have to worry about being nervous,
or fearing any kind of judgment or ridicule. And I have
heard some wild and weird stuff.
The point is, the women know that I am trying to make them happy, not trying
make
them feel stupid or weird. As a
result, they almost always reciprocate by asking me what my fantasies are or
what they can do better. And then, everyone is happy.
These three suggestions should make verbal
communication a lot easier. But there is also a lot to be said for non-verbal communication and the signals people send one another in bed.
So let’s talk about …
Reading Sexual Signals
For a living, I study dating, relationships, and
sex. I have spent years doing so — studying attraction, cultural mating
habits, the human mind, body language, sexual chemistry, and sexual
technique. In addition, there’s my hands-on experience: asking hundreds
of women for dates, noticing what works and what doesn’t, as well as testing
every conceivable sexual situation imaginable.
I can truthfully say that I’ve reached a point where I can
read the most subtle signals with great accuracy. I’m not talking about
something blatant like a woman showing me interest by making intense and obvious
eye-contact with me. I can
now tell if a woman is interested if she makes certain gestures with her arms,
tilts her head a certain way while looking at me, alters her breathing patterns
in certain ways, positions her eyes or mouth in specific manners, and so
on. Because people are so diverse, I am not correct every time. But
I am on the mark far more often than I’m not.
There’s a reason I’m telling you all this. Namely, there are always
signals. And in some cases, they can be incredibly subtle. Of
course, you’ll deal with instances where the signals are anything but subtle —
situations where the woman is moaning hard, breathing deeply, or loudly and directly
telling you that you are hitting all the right buttons.
What we’re concerned with here are the frequent times where these obvious
signals are not present. In these cases the solution is simple: you need to
pay close attention. The slightest change in breathing can be a gigantic clue.
So can a slight change in body position.
The signals are always there. The main reason people have a hard time
reading the signals is usually one of two things:
- Lack of effort – they are not genuinely paying
any attention or simply are too selfish to care (this problem is a lot more
common with men).
- Uncertainty – You think there is a signal, but
you’re not sure how to react to it or if the other person even wants you to
react to it.
There can, of course, be other reasons involved,
but these are the two most common reasons that sexual signals are not acted
on. Since the signals are always there and they aren’t that difficult to
read if you look for them, let’s quickly discuss how to react to them.
The first step is pretty obvious: know what type of signal you’re getting.
If your partner was moaning or breathing deeply and then stopped, the signal is
that you have (a) stopped doing what it was that they liked or (b) you have been
doing it too long and what you’re doing has gotten a bit boring.
The solution here is easy: start doing something different. If what you do
doesn’t do the trick, keep trying things till something does. Eventually,
something should do the trick. If nothing does, there’s likely a mental
block, and it might be time to stop and talk to find out what’s wrong.
On the other hand, if your partner has noticeably increased their breathing or
started cheering you on, you are obviously on the right path.
These are relatively easy situations, but there are also times when the signals
are very faint or you can’t tell if they’re good signals or bad signals.
In this case, you can either take the initiative to assume what the signals mean
and act accordingly or you can open your mouth and ask. A lot of people
are perfectly comfortable with being vocal in bed. At the same time, many
people are uncomfortable with it or have never tried it.
As I’ve gotten older and had more sexual experiences, I can honestly say that I
cannot recall too many women who do not like talking, or being talked to, during
sex. It makes sex more intimate and can also make things a lot steamier.
Don’t be afraid to talk during sex. For instance, if you were having sex
and someone asked you what you’d like them to do, you’d obviously be eager to
tell them. The person would be just as eager to tell you if you asked
them.
You can talk before sex, during sex, and after sex. In all three cases, it
allows you both to be more of whatever it is you both desire. Whether it
is more romantic, more aggressive, sharing more eye-contact, trying new
positions, slowing down the tempo, wearing capes, or whatever the case may be,
verbal communication is a great way to find out.
With that covered, let’s now get to the topic of performing oral sex on a woman.
Double Dipping
I have my own methods of performing oral sex, and
ways that I adjust my techniques to suit different women. However, I
wanted to come give you something that would work pretty well with almost any
woman. So, before writing this part of the article, I consulted with a few
women on oral sex technique. To get really expert feedback, this included
a few lesbians that I know. These women have the awesome advantage of
knowing what works from both the giving and receiving sides of the coin, which
is as good as it gets.
The end result of all this is the “double dip.” The double dip
is nothing more than a stupid phrase I use to express the idea of approaching
this with two simple techniques at once. The first is the actual oral sex
itself; the second is the use of your fingers.
Essentially, the universally favored oral sex technique that women liked best
was to use your mouth and/or tongue while simultaneously sliding one or two
fingers in and out of their vagina.
Regarding the oral technique, this can vary from woman to woman. This is
easy enough to figure out while you’re down there. Try different things —
licking the clitoris, licking her lips, using your tongue or your whole mouth,
teasing her off and on, varying speeds, and so on. Most women do like
variation, but there is usually one or two specific things that they’ll like the
most.
Then add the second item, the use of your fingers. Again, the best way to
see what the woman prefers is to simply test things out. Some women like
one finger, some like four, some like your fingers to go in and out fast, some
prefer if you keep them deep inside while pressing a certain spot or rubbing
their inner vaginal wall. Like finding the best oral sex technique,
finding out what she likes is simply a matter of trying differing things with
your fingers till you find what she likes the most.
The double dip is and easy oral sex technique. And it works. In
addition, women will love the exploration process as you go through the varying
techniques while trying discover what she likes the most. Have fun!
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– Read more testimonials from
readers of my books –
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and Suggestions
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